I just made out with a guy for $7.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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