woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
