conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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