There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
