mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
