Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
