I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So much rum. So many feels.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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