I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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