i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
