I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How does one acquire holy water?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
