the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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