This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
