Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
