Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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