my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
