Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
