i think my tv is drunk
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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