you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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