im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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