i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
