Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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