I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
