dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
