All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
