Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
