You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
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You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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