if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
