I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
