No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
