I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
