Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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