I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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