how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
