im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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