now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
