It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
