Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
