she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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