He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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