Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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