I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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