So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
