There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
