Rock
Scissors
Fuck
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
