you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
