if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
