I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
