What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
