This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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