You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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