His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
