I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
