did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
