My liver just broke up with me...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Randomize
