Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
