Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
