There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
