I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
