He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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