At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
