PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
