Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
