omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
