Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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