i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
