I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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