You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
