I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
