OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
