I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
