Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
