the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
