Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
