Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
