You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
