A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
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