so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
