1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize