I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
