The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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