lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
