Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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