We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
