No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
